Sunday, April 09, 2006

SUDDENLY

4 days ago, I was checking e-mail as always, when I saw I had gotten a Friendster message from someone I didn't know. Thinking it was a friend of a friend who wanted information on where to stay in Tokyo or something like that, I clicked open my Inbox and thought nothing of it.

As it turned out, it was a message letting me know that my good friend from college had died. It was so strange. You don't expect that to happen to someone you know. Someone you really count on as a friend. Someone you just spoke to last week. Someone who was only 29.

Jonathan and I were only in contact off and on since I left the U.S. in '99. I can't remember how it happened but all of a sudden, one day, we were back in touch about a month ago. I was so excited to have him back in my life. I even posted his pictures on this blog (to which he commented that I would be really glad about having written this blog in the future). I've gained a whole new appreciation for records - blogs, journals, photographs.

I was making plans to visit him overseas. And then, a few weeks later, I get a message from someone I've never heard of telling me he died. No further information of when or how.

I've since found out more about what happened. I'm leaving for the East Coast on Thursday, to attend his funeral. I'm afraid to go but I'm even more afraid of not going. I think that maybe if I don't go, I will continue feeling the way I do now for the rest of my life.

Maybe this is how people cope with loss but I really feel like he got back in touch to say goodbye, even though he didn't know he was going to die. Then again I've always believed things like that. I don't need proof or agreement on this. Nobody else needs to believe it for me to know it's true for me. So many strange things have happened in the last few weeks.

This has really made me rethink, revisit, reconsider, and even regret some things. I don't believe in regret but it's amazing how skewed your perception of things can become, only to be clarified by one single event.

I really miss him.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Travel safely. My thoughts are with you.

~bluepoppy

12:43 AM  

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