Sunday, March 19, 2006

TREASURE ISLAND

You know how I've been really irritated lately? I mean, even more than usual? Well, I'm not sure about this, but I think it may have something to do with being on the Artist's Way.

Somewhere in that book, I vaguely recall reading something about creative un-blocking causing crankiness. The last few weeks have been an endless loop of frustration-elation-productivity-inactivity-wanting to break shit. I'm now 29, which pretty much rules out the possibility of adolescence or menopause.

Get this. Today, I woke up and started cleaning. Anyone who has been to any of my abodes knows that this is not the norm. After a 4-minute breakfast consisting of tea, I embarked on a 7-hour trashing spree, during which I filled six 45-liter garbage bags. I even skipped lunch. That is definitely not normal. (Sadly, I am still about 67 hours from completion.)

And the most alarming part is that I actually enjoyed it. What's happening to me? Half of it was the whole treasure hunt aspect of it; I found cringe-worthy but cute journal entries, beautiful old pictures I don't remember taking, hidden pockets of loose change, old jewelry. The other half of it was therapy - ie. throwing away clothes I wore when I was fat, tossing out reminders of shithead exes, etc.

I always wondered what mental disorder or tragic character flaw prevented me from achieving an acceptable level of housekeeping skill. Today, I think I figured it out. For me, messiness is an emotional issue. I feel bad throwing away something that was given to me. I feel bad throwing away something that I thought I wanted but never used. I feel scared to open my bank statements, so I don't - and they accumulate in some corner until they bring on a major paper avalanche weeks later. I'm uncomfortable getting rid of clothes, because, hey, you never know when I might balloon up or get really skinny. Christ. Do I sound psycho enough yet?

Anywho, I decided to give myself a pat on the back by baking a cake at 11 pm: Lemon Marzipan again, from my prized Linda Carucci book. I found a kilo of marzipan, which is on its last legs, in the pantry. The cake was fabulous, and I ended the day feeling like a bona fide Domestic Goddess, which is something I could get used to. (Maybe I should fish those fat clothes out of the garbage bags after all.)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look at that ! A heart cake to combat the crankinesss-- and yes, you are absolutely right--doing the AW unlocks all kinds of crud but let it all pass through and know that it was in there anyway-- now you're gonna be free of it and be lighter and more open to creativity like that beautiful CAKE!!

~bluepoppy

4:08 AM  
Blogger teahouse said...

That's crazy that you got the cleaning bug. I NEVER get it.

Do you want to come over and clean my place?

1:13 PM  
Blogger e! said...

It really is weird how much I'm into this whole cleaning thing.

3:11 AM  

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